Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
