and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
do nipples grow back?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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