I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
