i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I came so hard my ears popped.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
