Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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