If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
