Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
