The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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