oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Panties = found
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