just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
