Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
