Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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