i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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