I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
