Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Life is so much better after having sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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