if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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