i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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