The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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