Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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