I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
