We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
