get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
