I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
