God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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