so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
