His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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