I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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