In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
