He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
