drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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