cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I looked at my own cervix.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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