I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
