Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
