I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
