the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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