Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck appropriateness.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
