if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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