got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
