dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
