u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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