i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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