You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
