google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
