He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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