just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
