Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
