do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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