Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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