True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
