I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
